![]() ![]() ![]() There were three of us: Nikolai (first prankster, loud, the kid who’d come over and clog your toilet), Dempsey (second prankster, formless and anxious, me), and Takeo (the prankee, nerdy even for our crew of dweebos, where the punchline was often screaming "BOB SAGET" without context). He knew it was bullshit we all kept it up anyway, every morning, because it was the sixth grade, and we weren’t good at sports or school or girls, so we played video games. I Met the Cold Man I'd Become in 'NFL Head Coach'.'Kelly Slater’s Pro Surfer' Was Vibey as Hell.I Went a Bit Insane Playing 'RollerCoaster Tycoon'.Upon flawless entry of the code, Mario himself would pop up on the Gamecube’s homescreen, scream an unholy " ITSA ME!," and then drive around or something or other. We told him that if he followed the instructions on the looseleaf-without messing up, like we told him he kept doing, the idiot-it would unlock a super-duper-secret minigame on his Gamecube. It went on and on: A 30-something-line cheat code. “Guys, I did it THIRTY TIMES last night, it doesn’t work,” he’d always say, little face twisted in a spiteful knot, holding up a crumpled piece of looseleaf riddled with intricate code: X + A + Y + Y + Y + LEFT STICK + LEFT STICK + RIGHT STICK. and word vomit, never, ever ready to start the day-and tell Takeo that he was doing it wrong. We would line up every morning under the big basketball hoop, five-foot-tall, middle-school munchkins-hauling brown bags and binders, nervous and cruel, full of B.O. Just like the old days, we might pull some all nighters, we might lose a friend or two, we might resort to eating too many Hot Pockets. Here, we embark on one final-maybe even fatal-playthrough of the forgotten games of our past. ![]()
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